just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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