Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
