can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
