He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
