there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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