Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize