I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
