I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
