Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
