I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
