I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
