I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
