just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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