is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
