i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
