It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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