Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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