I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
