btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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