Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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