I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
