I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
