Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
