for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I AM VODKA MAN
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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