Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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