He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
