Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
