The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
