ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
