Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
