I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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