Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
