i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize