ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
