Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
