Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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