I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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