the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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