K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
