And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
