We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
ok first of all what the fuck
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
