i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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