I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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