If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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