i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
