I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
