12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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