Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
