I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
