mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
