Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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