He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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