She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
