fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
