yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
