i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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