I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Pooping to opera.
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