i wish my penis had a tongue
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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