My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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