What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
