When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he puts the penis in happiness.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
