It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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