Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize