we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
