This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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