I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize