so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
