I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
