i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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