It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
