They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
