This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
